I ask coaching clients to read this before we begin an engagement, both to allow you to better understand me and my approach to coaching and to allow you to more clearly define just what you're looking for in a coach (and to determine whether I fit that profile.)
We'll discuss this document further in our first session, which is one of the few times (and possibly the only time) that I'll begin a session with a pre-determined agenda. The purpose of that conversation is to set the parameters of our relationship and to clarify how we'll work together within that relationship. Although we'll also define the terms of our coaching engagement through a separate letter agreement, which covers issues such as how often we'll meet and the duration and cost of the engagement, I view this document as a much more meaningful "contract" between us.
A) Key Elements of Coaching
1) The client has the answers, not the coach.
Coaching isn't mentoring, therapy, consulting or career counseling, although it's related to all of those disciplines. The key difference is that in those relationships you're typically seeking answers from an expert.
My expertise in building meaningful coaching relationships, but I'm not an expert on you or your goals, and I don't have answers for you. I have questions, and you will ultimately have to find the answers that are right for you.
You may feel as though you don't have those answers, but our work together will be designed to help you find them. Our emphasis on identifying the answers that are uniquely right for you not only insures that our work will yield sustainable results, but it also helps to insure that you're accountable to yourself in this process, not to me or to your organization.
2) Coaching is about fulfillment, balance and effectiveness.
All of our choices make us more or less fulfilled, more or less balanced, and more or less effective. In part, coaching is intended to help you understand how each choice you make affects these dynamics in your life.
- Fulfillment is uniquely defined by each of us for ourselves, but a useful starting point may be "Achieving your fullest potential in the areas that are most important to you."
- Balance reflects the importance of finding fulfillment in multiple aspects of life. Balance isn't an end state, but an ongoing dynamic; we're always moving toward or away from an optimal balance, and it's important to be aware of the trend--there's no finish line to cross.
- Effectiveness is also individually defined, but a useful starting point may be "Achieving your goals consistently with a sustainable level of effort."
3) The client sets the agenda.
I won't determine what issues are to be addressed, and I won't determine the solutions that will be right for you. My role is to help you articulate your aspirations and clarify your goals, to develop a process to meet your needs and to guide you through that process.
4) A coaching relationship is an equal partnership.
I'm not an authority figure, nor am I simply a service provider. You and I will work together as equal partners in this process and will share responsibility for its success.
B) Key Characteristics of the Coaching Relationship
1) Confidentiality
I will not disclose your identity as a coaching client, any information that would identify you as a client or any details of our work together without your permission.
2) Trust and accountability
We need to do what we say we'll do. As noted above, you're accountable to yourself, not to me or to your organization, and to be successful we must build trust over time by fulfilling our commitments to each other.
3) Honesty
While our coaching relationship must be one in which both of us feel a sense of caring and appreciation, it must also be one in which both of us feel free--and even obligated--to be honest with each other. I will always speak professionally and with respect, but I will also strive to be as candid and as direct as possible in order to be as helpful as possible.
C) Things to Expect in a Coaching Session
1) Interruptions & pointed questions
I may interrupt you, and I may ask direct, pointed questions. It's important that we find the communication style that's most effective for us as a team, and it's essential that you feel heard in our discussion--but I don't want excessive politeness to get in the way of real communication.
2) Requests and responses
I may make requests of you, and you always have at least four responses to choose from. You can say "Yes," say "No," make a counter-proposal, or ask for time to think about it further. In a sense, any feedback or data that I provide can be thought of as a request, and you should always feel that you have the ability to accept it, reject it, modify it, or defer it.
3) Getting stuck (& the Second-Month Slump)
Prepare to get stuck from time to time, particularly in a "Second-Month Slump." Coaching clients sometimes become excited by the potential for change that appears in the first few sessions but are then disappointed when actual change doesn’t follow immediately. Bear in mind that it will take time to identify desired changes, put them into effect, and experience the results.
4) Resistance to change
Effective coaching will at some point run into your fears or concerns and generate resistance to change. This is natural and actually desirable, because it's an important sign of progress. Both of us will need to learn to identify and recognize these issues and discuss them explicitly.
D) Getting Started
Consider the questions below. We're not obligated to pursue any of them, but they may serve as a useful starting point in our work together.
1) Questions to understand you and your current situation
- What activities have the most meaning for you?
- What works for you when you make changes successfully?
- Where do you get stuck?
- How do you deal with disappointment or failure? How do you deal with success?
- What helps you fulfill your commitments? What gets in your way when you don't?
- What's satisfying about your work today? What's unsatisfying about it?
- What one thing could you do immediately that would make the greatest difference in your current situation?
2) Questions that will allow you to help define my role
- What does "coaching" mean to you? What does it not mean?
- How would you advise me to coach you most effectively?
- If you seem stuck, how would you like me to help?
3) Questions to understand where you want to be in the future
- Where do you want to make a difference?
- What would make your work so compelling that you would do it without compensation?
- If a goal is an external, visible outcome, what are your most important goals?
- If a commitment is an internal force that drives you to set and achieve goals, what are you committed to?
- If a habit is a small sign of a larger process, what helpful habits do you want to encourage? What counter-productive habits do you want to break?
- To build on your success or achieve lasting change, you will have to explore and better understand your attitudes, assumptions, mental models and underlying beliefs. Which attitudes, assumptions, models and beliefs support your success? Which ones are getting in your way?
- Who do you want to continue being? Who do you want to become?
Credits:
The following books play an important role in my approach to coaching and have informed the ongoing development of this document. Many thanks to the authors for the education and the inspiration.
- The Coaching Manager: Developing Top Talent in Business, James Hunt and Joseph Weintraub
- Co-Active Coaching, Laura Whitworth, et al
- Power Up: Transforming Organizations Through Shared Leadership, David Bradford and Allan Cohen
