Sara Ann Friedman's Work Matters: Women Talk About Their Jobs and Their Lives (1996) is a fascinating book documenting women's struggles not only to succeed at work but also to integrate their professional and personal lives. Friedman interviewed dozens of women about their jobs, their relationships, their families, their triumphs and their failures. (The structure and tone is similar to Studs Terkel's Working.)
It's an invaluable book for anyone who cares about the challenges women face at work (and at home, for that matter.) As an executive coach, I felt that it gave me a helpful perspective on a number of issues my clients deal with every day, but it also made me think about my wife and our relationship and how sometimes I'm a supportive husband and other times...not so much.
Two sub-themes also struck me as particularly interesting. First, as a woman born in 1935, Friedman was heavily influenced by the initial wave of the contemporary women's movement in the 1960s--but writing in the 1990s, she's keenly aware that many younger women don't identify as "feminists" and resist the idea that they're victims of sexism, even as they continue to challenge stereotypes and confront barriers. I wish Friedman would have talked with more younger women and explored this issue further, but the fact that she acknowledged the issue at all reinforced my sense of her integrity and open-mindedness. She definitely has a point of view, but she doesn't try to force her subjects' stories to fit her political agenda
Second, as one would expect, many of Friedman's interviews emphasize issues that are faced primarily, or even exclusively, by women--but her subjects also touch on a number of universal issues, and in the process explore challenges we all face, regardless of our gender. I found myself nodding along, identifying with one of her subjects' struggles--"I hate it when that happens!"--on a regular basis.
Here are a few quotes from Friedman's interviews that have stuck with me:
Diana Jacobs, Artist, on Self-Expression
There are times when I sit back and say, 'God, who needs one more artist?' That's when my passion takes over, and I say, 'Heck, one more isn't going to hurt, either.' The same appreciation I get when I see a wonderful piece of art work someone just might feel about mine.
Judy Chaikin, Television Director, on Being Yourself
When I used to teach improv classes, the very first thing I would say to women is, 'I don't want any good little girls in here. I give you permission to be mean, rotten, bad bitches. Be the worst person you can be, but if you're a good little girl, you're out.' It's amazing what that would do to free them... I became aware very early that the good little girl syndrome was one of the biggest detriments to any woman getting ahead.
Camilla Woodbury, Truck Driver, on Asking Questions
Women ask questions about what they should do instead of just doing it. It's illegal for men to ask questions. They're not allowed to be that stupid. They can't show their fear. So most of them who are good learn by doing, not by talking. But I've watched men make major mistakes by just doing something without questioning what they're doing.Susan Bentley, Assistant Rector, on Staff Meetings
The staff meetings run by Larry [the church rector and head of staff] are very task oriented, very structured. You come in and you make up the agenda. You start right on time whether everybody's there or not. We make up the agenda. We go through it. There's not much allowance for side comments and spinoffs or if something reminds you of something else. There's a sense of tenseness about it all.Whe Larry was gone [on sabbatical], Joy [the associate rector] was chairing the meetings, which left only one other male on the staff, the choirmaster, the organist and four other women. Our staff meetings were much more meandering. We would start on time, but people would touch base informally, commenting on how so-and-so's mother was feeling, how Sarah's birthday party went. Then we would come together and do our agenda, but it wasn't as task oriented. It never felt as laborious...
[T]he most interesting thing was, we did that in the same time as our usual staff meetings. Our conversation would be all over the map, and everyone would get up and think we had a productive staff meeting.
(Thanks to Tom Peters, whose references to Friedman's book encouraged me to check it out in the first place.)
