I had a less-than-perfect day yesterday, but at least it went better than the one I read about in Dear Abby this morning:
DEAR ABBY: I recently presented a research proposal. I did the best I could and was verbally attacked by my boss. She is often tactless and can at times be cruel.
I tried to defend my research, but perhaps I did it too emphatically and went overboard, because my team member turned off my microphone and apologized to the boss.
I understand some of the criticisms, but what bothered me was that other proposals were more flawed than ours, but were not attacked in a similar fashion. One thing led to another, and I broke down in tears at the table. Luckily, the boss did not see it, but other team members did.
Is showing emotion in public wrong? I tried to hold it in but couldn't. I was insulted and felt terrible for my team. Was crying unprofessional? Should I have run to the powder room to sob -- or would that have made it worse?
TEARY-EYED IN MALAYSIA
Ouch. Abby, aka Jeanne Phillips, offers some support: "To show emotion in public is human, as long as one does not have a complete meltdown..." but agrees that Teary-Eyed should have left the room and challenges her (him?) to learn from the experience. So what did I learn yesterday?
I was in a meeting where the dynamic changed suddenly, to my disadvantage, and I didn't have much leverage to alter it. I was completely surprised by this turn of events, but I knew that yielding to my resistance would have upped the ante on both sides, and I didn't have many chips to begin with. It was an accommodating moment if ever there was one--but because I've worked hard to overcome my natural tendency to accommodate and to tap into and express my competitive side, it took some effort to do what once came naturally to me.
I'd like to say I did a quick cost-benefit calculation and accommodated as a result of that rational analysis, but I didn't--I just felt the discussion flowing in a certain direction and realized I had to go with it. I was upset afterwards, primarily because I wished I'd been better prepared for that possibility, but I later learned that one of my counterparts felt I'd handled things well.
I'd like to extract something deeper from the experience than "When meetings hit the rapids, go with the flow," but that's the gist of it. At least no one turned my microphone off.
Photo by Yogi.
