What kinds of questions do you usually ask people? We often ask Yes/No questions--they're simple and direct. But when simplicity and directness aren't our only goals, Yes/No questions can be problematic. They surface a minimum of new information because they don't invite the other person into a dialogue, and they constrain the boundaries of the conversation.
When we move beyond Yes/No questions, we may ask Why? questions, such as "Why did you do that?" or "Why did you do it that way?" But Why? questions can be heard by the other person as "What the hell were you thinking?" and provoke defensiveness.
One of the most important objectives in my work with coaching clients and MBA students at Stanford is asking questions that are designed to get the other person actively involved in the dialogue. Such questions can be challenging and even blunt, but they're also open-ended and compel the other person to reflect before answering.
Scott Ginsberg has posted a list of 62 useful questions, along with a one-line explanation of why they work. The entire list is a great resource, but here are the 20 I find most valuable:
How are you creating…?
Proves that someone has a choice.
How could you have…?
Focused on past performance improvement.
How do you feel…?
Feelings are good.
How do you plan to…?
Future oriented, process oriented, action oriented.
How do you want to…?
Visualizes ideal conditions.
How does this relate to…?
Keeps someone on point, uncovers connections between things.
How else could this be…?
Encourages open, option-oriented and leverage-based thinking.
How might you…?
All about potential and possibility.
How much time…?
Identifies patterns of energy investment.
How often do you…?
Gets an idea of someone’s frequency.
How well do you…?
Uncovers abilities.
How will you know when/if…?
Predicts outcomes of ideal situations.
If you could change…?
Visualizes improvement.
If you stopped…?
Cause-effect question.
Is anybody going to…?
Deciding if something even matters.
What are you doing that…?
Assesses present actions.
What are you willing to…?
Explores limits.
What can you do right now…?
Focuses on immediate action being taken.
What did you learn…?
Because people don’t care what you know; only what you learned.
What else can you…?
Because there’s always options.
Notice the structure of these questions. They're almost all How? or What? questions, which encourage the other person to take a moment and look inside before answering. They can certainly be challenging--"What can you do right now?" isn't necessarily easy to answer--but they're also non-judgmental, which minimizes the likelihood of defensiveness.
Perhaps most significantly, they're not leading questions, which aren't really questions at all. A leading question is actually a statement or a piece of feedback in the form of a question: "Don't you think it would be better if you...?" In a sense a leading question is a pop quiz with a "right" answer, and it reliably creates a sense of pressure to agree with the questioner (and, often, a degree of resentment.)
One of the simplest ways to improve our effectiveness as questioners is to strike leading questions from our repertoire. This frees the other party from feeling obligated to agree with us and encourages them to answer thoughtfully and honestly, and it frees us from the semantic gymnastics of turning statements and feedback into "questions." (Note that feedback and advice are entirely legitimate forms of dialogue, even in coaching conversations.)
Many thanks to Scott Ginsberg.
Photo by Véronique Debord-Lazaro.
