As we remember veterans and acknowledge their service today, I'm thinking of four specific individuals and what I learned from them.
Ten years ago my professional duties included commenting on students' written assignments in a class at Stanford's Graduate School of Business. Two of the students assigned to me were veterans, both of whom had seen combat. At the time I had little understanding of what it was like to be a veteran in contemporary society, and reading these students' reflections helped me realize that this was a topic that I needed to explore further. Much of my work involves reaching across dimensions of difference--gender, race, nationality, sexual orientation--in order to be a more effective coach and teacher. And yet I'd failed to appreciate that being a veteran can be an equally meaningful aspect of personal identity, particularly in an era of extensive armed conflict.
As a result of this newfound perspective, over the next few years I made a special effort to work with veterans and to learn more about their experiences. A theme that emerged from these conversations was the gulf that can exist between veterans as a community and the larger culture's awareness of that community and what it means to be a member. Today, while I try to avoid stereotypes, I pay close attention when I learn that someone's a veteran, knowing that their military service may have had a significant impact on their life. In addition, I have a heightened sensitivity to other often-invisible forms of difference, such as religious faith or social class.
A few years after the experiences described above I was working with another veteran in a different capacity. His communication style was relatively reserved, and I offered some critical feedback in response, suggesting that greater expressiveness would allow him to be a more effective communicator. He was receptive to this feedback, but after several exchanges along these lines he pushed back. He explained that his communication style was a function of his life experiences, including his military service, and in some circumstances it had been essential to minimize his emotional expressiveness in order to fulfill his duties effectively. He also noted that while he had been trying to respond to my feedback, I had not acknowledged these efforts--it was as though any expressiveness on his part was going unseen unless it was conveyed in a particular way.
This was a powerful lesson for me. While my feedback was offered with the best of intentions, it was also a type of intolerance that reflected a blind spot on my part--I wanted him to conform to my more overtly expressive communication style. While it was valuable for him to learn that his default style wasn't having the desired impact, it was just as valuable for me to realize that I needed to pay closer attention to subtle forms of emotional expression and to better understand the role of formative experiences--not only military service, but also family background, national culture, and professional training—in shaping people's communication styles. While I try to challenge any assumptions I might make on the basis of these factors, I continue to benefit from a greater awareness of the role they can play in communication.
Finally, in 2008, while I was beginning the process of reaching out to veterans, I had the privilege of working with Jake Miller, a West Point alumnus on active duty in the U.S. Army who had come to Stanford to earn an MBA in the midst of his military career. Jake joined the school's Leadership Fellows program that year and subsequently enrolled in the Leadership Coaching class (which has since been integrated into the Fellows curriculum). Jake and I worked together closely in the Fellows program, and I had the opportunity to observe him many times in the coaching class, and he exemplified a characteristic that I've come to believe is a hallmark of great leaders: a commitment to ongoing learning and development.
Jake arrived at Stanford with a wealth of real-world leadership experience and could easily have chosen not to participate in the Fellows program, which was only in its second year and still very much a work-in-progress. He also had a leadership style that was clearly well-suited to his professional environment and might not have felt the need to further expand his range. And yet he took full advantage of the school's leadership-related classes, routinely striving to make the most of every opportunity. I once asked him why he was immersing himself so fully in these classes, and he replied that after completing our MBA program he would be returning to West Point to teach leadership, so he felt an obligation to absorb everything that Stanford could possibly offer. Today Jake leads an aviation battalion, and I know that the hundreds of soldiers under his command benefit from his determination to continue to grow as a leader. I remain inspired by his example and seek to apply it in my own development as a coach and teacher.
I've worked with many veterans over the years, and hopefully the memories of my experiences with these four will allow me to say to all of them: Thank you.
Thank You, Veterans (2018)
Thank You, Veterans (2012)
Photo of the San Francisco National Cemetery by John Picken.
