Co-created with Agnes Le and Terra Winston. Image by Mohamed Hassan.
Agnes, Terra and I were MBA students together at the Stanford Graduate School of Business, and a few months ago we were asked to design a program that would help our classmates connect virtually during our 20th reunion, which is taking place this year. A number of them found it useful, so we decided to share this edited version more broadly.
OVERVIEW
Below is a structured agenda to help anyone host a virtual gathering of 6 people for 90 minutes. Virtual groups can easily lose a sense of intimacy, so we recommend limiting these groups to 6 people, including the host, and the agenda below is designed to accommodate a group of this size. We feel that 90 minutes will allow sufficient time for a meaningful conversation while fitting into peoples' busy schedules. In addition to the agenda you'll find two appendices: a set of technical tips for an improved virtual experience and a welcome email template.
EVENT AGENDA AND TIPS FOR HOSTS
Step 1: Warming Up (10 mins)
Step 2: Getting to Know You (30 mins)
Step 3: A Deeper Dive (40 mins)
Step 4: Closing Down (10 mins)
Step 5: Afterwards (Optional)
Preliminary Notes
- Introductions: As you'll see below in the welcome email template, if members of the group don't already know each other we encourage people to make initial introductions by sharing some basic information via email prior to the event. This begins the process of creating a sense of connection, while allowing you to start the virtual event by diving into the agenda. (This will also allow you to follow up with anyone who fails to respond in order to confirm their participation.)
- Timekeeping: While these events shouldn't feel like overly structured business meetings, there's value in using a timer to manage the agenda and stay on schedule. The first two exercises are intended to get everyone involved and create a sense of connection and intimacy while leaving sufficient time for a meaningful open discussion. Keeping track of time will also ensure that the event ends when scheduled so that all group members can participate in the closing together. People shouldn't feel abruptly cut off by the timer, but it should serve as a signal to conclude their remarks quickly.
Step 1: Warming Up (10 mins)
Purpose: Help everyone join in the conversation and start building energy.
Tips for Hosts
- This should feel spontaneous and fast-paced, so it's not necessary to share the questions with participants in advance--simply choose 3 questions that you find engaging, or invent your own.
- Some participants may need a visual cue so you might want to share the 3 questions on the screen.
- You can simply "go around the circle" to get everyone participating quickly--in a virtual setting this may require you to determine who goes next.
- Use a timer to let people know when their 90 seconds is up and to stay on schedule.
Three Questions
- The host shares all 3 questions at the beginning of the exercise. Again, this may include a visual cue.
- Each person has 90 seconds to answer all 3 questions.
- Below are some suggested questions, but feel free to invent your own:
- What did you want to be when you were growing up?
- Who would play you in the movie of your life?
- Who’s one of your role models?
- What would you do if you weren’t afraid?
- What’s one thing you’re grateful for?
- What’s one thing you miss right now?
- What’s your superpower?
- What’s a gift you can share with this group?
- What’s your least-favorite nickname?
- What’s your favorite food?
- Where’s the first place you’ll travel post-pandemic?
- What’s the last book you read?
- What’s the last movie you saw in a theater?
- What’s one thing you do to take care of yourself?
- Why were you interested in participating in this group?
- When were you really happy (or excited or sad or scared)?
Step 2: Getting to Know You (30 mins)
Purpose: Learn more about each other, build safety and trust, and have the host model vulnerability and timeliness.
Tips for Hosts
- The warm-up exercise above is intended to be spontaneous, but both of the options here in Step 2 are more effective when participants can reflect on the questions in advance. Choose one of the options here and share the relevant question/s with the group in your welcome email.
- These exercises can stir up a range of thoughts and feelings, which is why we recommend spending some time in discussion after concluding the responses.
- Allow participants to volunteer to speak when they're ready, rather than "going around the circle" or determining who will go next. This allows people to feel more agency in the process, which can influence what they choose to share.
- Again, use a timer to let people know when their time is up and to stay on schedule.
- You should go first to model timeliness and a degree of candor and vulnerability. The goal is to be sufficiently candid to make it a more meaningful dialogue, but not so much as to be overwhelming for anyone.
Option A: The Most Important Year of My Life.
- Each person has 3 minutes to answer this question: What was the most important year of my life?
- Note that the question is NOT: What was the BEST year of my life? It's an important distinction.
- After each person has finished, take a moment to acknowledge them and express appreciation for their story, but don't do an extensive debrief or ask further questions at this point.
- Take 10 minutes after the last person has finished to discuss the exercise. If necessary, you can initiate the discussion with a few questions: What was that like? How do you feel as a result? What questions are you left with?
Option B: Memories, Pride, Work
- The group will answer each of these questions in sequence (i.e. everyone answers Question One, then everyone answers Question Two, and then everyone answers Question Three).
- Question One: What’s a meaningful memory of mine?
- Question Two: As I look back over recent years, what am I proud of?
- Question Three: As I look ahead to the future, what am I working on?
- Each person has 1 minute to answer each question.
- Take 10 minutes after the last person has concluded to discuss the exercise. If necessary, you can initiate the discussion with a few questions: What was that like? How do you feel as a result? What questions are you left with?
Step 3: A Deeper Dive (40 mins)
Purpose: Create space for a more open-ended conversation.
Tips for Hosts
- Choose a topic from the options below (or invent your own) and introduce the topic and related questions to the group in your welcome email so they have time to reflect.
- Unlike the structured exercises above, the questions below are merely suggestions to help the group get started. The goal isn’t to answer each question in a rigid or time-limited way, and the group should feel free to follow their interests and intuition.
- If your video platform offers virtual breakout rooms, you can consider using them to begin this activity, dividing the group into 3 pairs or 2 trios. If so, be sure to familiarize yourself with the breakout room logistics, and have the pairs/trios spend no more than 10 minutes in the breakout rooms to allow sufficient time for a full-group discussion.
- If you use breakout rooms, an option to initiate the full-group discussion after returning everyone to the main room is to ask everyone to respond to the question, "What did you learn in your pair/trio?"
- Watch the clock during the full-group discussion to allow time for a closing activity.
Topic A: Meaning and Purpose
- What provides me with a sense of meaning and purpose today?
- What surprises me about this?
- How has this changed in recent years?
- How might it continue to change in the future?
Topic B: Pandemic Life
- What challenges am I facing as a result of the pandemic?
- How am I coping with these challenges?
- What am I learning about myself in the process?
- How is the pandemic affecting my expectations for the future?
Topic C: Hopes, Dreams and Fears
- What are my hopes, dreams and fears today?
- How do they differ from my hopes, dreams and fears of the past?
- What hopes and dreams have I accomplished? What fears have I vanquished?
- What hopes and dreams have I abandoned? What fears have grown worse?
Or invent your own topic and set of questions...
Step 4: Closing Down (10 mins)
Purpose: Allow all participants to bring the event to an end together.
Tips for Hosts
- You can choose one of the options below or invent an alternative, but it’s important to hold some form of organized closing in which all members participate.
- It's less fulfilling for the group if the event runs long and one or more members have to leave before or during the closing--this is one reason why staying on time throughout the previous steps is important.
Option A: Unstructured
- Each person simply says whatever they need to say to feel finished. Depending on the amount of time remaining, the host may want to set a time limit.
- If time is very short, each person can say just one word to close the conversation. (This is viable in the absence of an alternative, but the host should try to manage time to ensure that more time is available.)
- If there’s slightly more time, each person can say whatever they need to say to feel finished, as long as they can say it in a single breath.
Option B: What did you learn?
- Each person answers this question. Again, depending on the amount of time remaining, the host may want to set a time limit.
Option C: What will you remember about this experience?
- Each person answers this question. Again, depending on the amount of time remaining, the host may want to set a time limit.
Step 5: Afterwards (Optional)
Purpose: Express thanks and create opportunities to stay connected.
You may want to send a thank you note to the group, which can serve as an invitation to stay connected in a number of different ways. Questions you can pose to your group members include:
- Is there someone you’d like to thank or express appreciation for, either one-on-one or in a message to the group?
- Is there anything you’d like to offer to the group or to any individuals?
- Do you have any requests you’d like to make of the group or of any individuals?
(This information is also included in the welcome email template from the host to the participants.)
Here are a few guidelines to make a virtual conversation as meaningful as possible:
- Privacy: Find a private space in which you won't be interrupted or distracted. If it's possible that other people with you might overhear this virtual conversation, wear headphones to insure the privacy of the other participants.
- Tools: In a virtual conversation the quality of the tools we use and the surrounding environment can have a big impact on the quality of the conversation. Ensure that you’ll have uninterrupted access to a broadband connection if at all possible. Consider using an outboard camera and microphone for better image and sound quality. Pay particular attention to your lighting and your background.
- Presence: Virtual conversations can be meaningful only to the extent that everyone participating is fully present and actively involved. Turn off any devices, services or alarms that might distract you. Multi-tasking will be obvious to the other participants and will diminish the sense of safety and trust in the group. Strive to be fully present and make it as easy as possible to do so.
- Confidentiality: Virtual conversations have the potential to be more meaningful when participants’ trust in the group’s confidentiality. This should be acknowledged at the outset by the host, and again, if you are sharing space with others wear headphones.
APPENDIX 2: WELCOME EMAIL TEMPLATE AND COMMUNICATIONS
Welcome Email Template
FROM: Host
TO: Group Participants
SUBJECT: Our Connections event on [date]
Hi there,
I’m excited that we’ll be getting together for our Connections virtual conversation.
Logistics
- [Date]
- [Time and time zone]
- [Meeting link, ID and password]
Introduce Yourself
Let’s get to know each other before the event by sharing a little background via email. Here’s a little about me... Please share something about yourself in response to this message (and be sure to "Reply All.")
Hopes and Expectations
We’ll meet for 90 minutes, and I’ll manage our agenda to be sure we finish on time. My hope for our time together is to have a meaningful conversation, reflect on our lives, and connect with each other in the process. If you have additional hopes or expectations, please share them with the rest of the group.
Agenda and Preparation
Step 1: Warming Up (10 mins): No preparation necessary--we’ll jump in with some questions that I’ll provide.
Step 2: Getting to Know You (30 mins): This involves a question (or questions) I’d like you to reflect on:
- (Option A, one question) What was the most important year of my life? And note that "most important" doesn’t necessarily mean “best.” You’ll have 3 minutes to tell the group about this year.
- (Option B, three questions) What’s a meaningful memory of mine? As I look back over recent years, what am I proud of? As I look ahead to the future, what am I working on? You’ll have one minute per question to respond.
Step 3: A Deeper Dive (40 mins): This involves a more far-reaching conversation, and I’d like you to consider the following: (Share the topic you’ve selected and the related questions.)
Step 4: Closing Down (10 mins): No preparation necessary, but be sure to clear your calendar so you won’t have to leave early.
Technical Tips
Here are a few recommendations that will make our conversation as meaningful as possible:
- Privacy: Find a private space in which you won’t be interrupted or distracted. If it’s possible that other people with you might overhear this virtual conversation, wear headphones to insure the privacy of the other participants.
- Tools: In a virtual conversation, the quality of the tools we use and the surrounding environment can have a big impact on the quality of the conversation. Ensure that you’ll have uninterrupted access to a broadband connection if at all possible. Consider using an outboard camera and microphone for better image and sound quality. Pay particular attention to your lighting and your background.
- Presence: Virtual conversations can be meaningful only to the extent that everyone participating is fully present and actively involved. Turn off any devices, services or alarms that might distract you. Multi-tasking will be obvious to the other participants and will diminish the sense of safety and trust in the group. Strive to be fully present and make it as easy as possible to do so.
- Confidentiality: Virtual conversations have the potential to be more meaningful when participants’ trust in the group’s confidentiality. This should be acknowledged at the outset by the host, and again, if you are sharing space with others wear headphones.
Don’t hesitate to reach out before the event if you have any questions. I look forward to connecting with you soon!
Communications
Note that this initial email to your participants serves several purposes:
- It conveys necessary logistical information.
- It provides an agenda and reflection questions so that people will feel oriented and better prepared to participate.
- It allows you and the participants to exchange some information about yourselves so that you can begin the event with something more provocative and energizing than basic introductions.
- And it begins the process of creating a sense of connection, which makes it more likely that people will show up prepared to participate fully.
If a member of your group doesn't respond to your email within a reasonable period, reach out to them directly to confirm that they received it and intend to participate.
