Flattery will get you everywhere.
~Mae West [1]
I'm a student of the work of Stanford professor Jeff Pfeffer for many reasons, including his rigorous pragmatism and no-bullshit attitude. (This is even reflected in the title of one of his books: Leadership BS.) [2] A client recently observed a pattern of obvious flattery being directed toward a high-status member of a group, and my client expressed some surprise that such seemingly insincere praise would have the desired effect. This brings to mind Pfeffer's comments on the subject:
One of the best ways to make those in power feel better about themselves is to flatter them. The research literature shows how effective flattery is as a strategy to gain influence. Flattery works because we naturally come to like people who flatter us and make us feel good about ourselves and our accomplishments, and being likable helps build influence. Flattery also works because it engages the norm of reciprocity--if you compliment someone, that person owes you something in return just as surely as if you had bought the individual dinner or given a gift-because a compliment is a form of gift. And flattery is effective because it is consistent with the self-enhancement motive that exists in most people...
Most people underestimate the effectiveness of flattery and therefore underutilize it. If someone flatters you, you essentially have two ways of reacting. You can think that the person was insincere and trying to butter you up. But believing that causes you to feel negatively about the person whom you perceive as insincere and not even particularly subtle about it. More importantly, thinking that the compliment is just a strategic way of building influence with you also leads to negative self-feelings-what must others think of you to try such a transparent and false method of influence? Alternatively, you can think that the compliments are sincere and that the flatterer is a wonderful judge of people--a perspective that leaves you feeling good about the person for his or her interpersonal perception skill and great about yourself, as the recipient of such a positive judgment delivered by such a credible source. There is simply no question that the desire to believe that flattery is at once sincere and accurate will, in most instances, leave us susceptible to being flattered and, as a consequence, under the influence of the flatterer. So, don't underestimate--or underutilize--the strategy of flattery. University of California-Berkeley professor Jennifer Chatman, in an unpublished study, sought to see if there was some point beyond which flattery became ineffective. She believed that the effectiveness of flattery might have an inverted U-shaped relationship, with flattery being increasingly effective up to some point but beyond that becoming ineffective as the flatterer became seen as insincere and a "suck up." As she told me, there might be a point at which flattery became ineffective, but she couldn't find it in her data. [3]
I'm not suggesting that you should "suck up" to anyone, in part because such behavior is usually observed by others and may have an undesirable effect on them. (My client now has a new--and unflattering--perspective on the other members of the group noted above.) But Pfeffer challenges us to see the world not as we want it to be, but as it really is, and it's worth bearing in mind that we're highly susceptible to the effects of unscrupulous flattery even when we know it's insincere.
Footnotes
[1] Mae West (1893-1980) was an actress known for her risque persona and double entendres.
[2] For more on what I've learned from Pfeffer, see the following:
- Force Isn't Power
- Cautionary Tales (Authenticity at Work)
- What Do Great Leaders Do?
- The Trium Group on Responsibility
[3] Power: Why Some People Have It and Others Don't, pages 33-35 (Jeff Pfeffer, 2010)
Photo of Mae West via tom-margie.
