Many of the situations we encounter in contemporary professional life take one of three cultural forms: A classroom, a church, or a cocktail party.
While there are countless variations among schools, places of worship, and celebratory gatherings, we can readily envision an idealized classroom, an idealized church, an idealized cocktail party, and these archetypes are useful lenses through which to view any number of situations.
So some meetings are like a classroom, others are like church, and still others are like a cocktail party. And some companies are like a classroom, others are like church, and still others are like a cocktail party.
Each of these forms involves very different norms, which I've defined as social regularities that individuals feel obligated to follow, and patterns of behavior based on shared beliefs about how individuals should behave. [1] To be clear, norms aren't rules. Rules are what we intend to do, or what we're supposed to do, or what we aspire to do. Norms are what we actually do.
The problem, however, is that schools, places of worship, and celebratory gatherings identify themselves very clearly through obvious signifiers. We know where we are, we readily grasp the norms, and we act accordingly.
But meetings and companies are much harder to interpret. They must serve different purposes at different times for different parties--and those parties may disagree. So the signs and signals are opaque and confusing, and it's easy to misread them.
The key is asking ourselves: Where do I think I am? In a classroom? In a church? At a cocktail party? And where does everybody else here think they are?
There's no implied value-judgment. We have need of schools, places of worship, and celebratory gatherings all. But if we think we're in a classroom, and everyone else thinks they're in church, there's going to be trouble.
The next question to ask is: Who do I think I am? A teacher or a student? An officiant or a congregant? A host or a guest? And who does everyone else think they are? We need all these roles, but again, if we don't have a shared understanding of who we are to each other, there's going to be trouble. [2]
A final question to ask is: To what extent is this cultural form serving our collective needs at the moment? Cultures are hard to change because people feel obligated to adhere to existing norms. So unless we step outside a given culture in order to observe it, we're likely to perpetuate it. We'll keep going to class, to church, to the party, without pausing to consider whether that's really where we want to be.
Footnotes
[1] Rules Aren't Norms (On Company Values)
[2] Role Clarity and Role Confusion
Photos: Classroom by Robert Couse-Baker. Church by Garry Knight. Cocktail Party by Yelp/Tom Pagut.
