Viktor Frankl was an Austrian psychiatrist who spent the years 1942-45 in four different Nazi concentration camps, including Auschwitz. By the end of the war his pregnant wife, his parents and his brother had been murdered; among his immediate family, only he and his sister survived. After the war he published Man's Search for Meaning, a book inspired by his experiences in the camps, and one in which I've found wisdom and comfort during times of difficulty. I particularly value Frankl's perspective on the potential meaning to be derived from suffering:
We must never forget that we may also find meaning in life even when confronted with a hopeless situation, when facing a fate that cannot be changed. For what then matters is to bear witness to the uniquely human potential at its best, which is to transform a personal tragedy into triumph, to turn one's predicament into a human achievement. When we are no longer able to change a situation–just think of an incurable disease such as inoperable cancer–we are challenged to change ourselves…
But let me make it perfectly clear that in no way is suffering necessary to find meaning. I only insist that meaning is possible even in spite of suffering–provided, certainly, that the suffering is unavoidable. If it were avoidable, however, the meaningful thing to do would be to remove its cause, be it psychological, biological or political…
There are situations in which one is cut off from the opportunity to do one's work or enjoy one's life; but what can never be ruled out is the unavoidability of suffering. In accepting this challenge to suffer bravely, life has a meaning up to the last moment, and it retains this meaning literally to the end. In other words, life's meaning is an unconditional one, for it even includes the potential meaning of unavoidable suffering…
[In Auschwitz] the question that beset me was, "Has all this suffering, all this dying around us, a meaning? For, if not, then ultimately there is no meaning to survival; for a life whose meaning depends on such a happenstance–as whether one escapes or not–ultimately would not be worth living at all." [pages 112-115]
Note that Frankl is not denying the grief and rage that spring from suffering and tragedy. He's not "making the best of things." He's not blithely suggesting that "everything happens for a reason." He is encouraging us to acknowledge our grief and rage, and also to see our suffering as an experience in which it is possible to find meaning. That is a significant and profound difference.
The nature of the meaning to be found in suffering will be different for all of us, even in response to the same experience, the same tragedy, the same loss. There's no one-size-fits-all meaning-of-life. And discovering that meaning will be hard work, made even harder by our grief and rage. But the meaning we derive will certainly be connected to the learning, the lessons our suffering has imparted to us.
It takes time for grief and rage to pass, and so it will be necessary to give those feelings their due. There are active steps we can take to ease their passage, from mourning rituals to talking with people we trust to simply writing about them. And when we're ready, it can be invaluable to take a step back and reflect on our suffering–past, present and future:
- Consider a source of suffering in your past, now resolved. What did you learn from it? What did it teach you?
- Consider a source of suffering that you are experiencing right now, still active. What are you learning from it? What is it teaching you?
- Consider a source of suffering that you will likely (or inevitably) experience in the future. What do you hope you will learn from it? What do you hope it will teach you?
Adapted from Viktor Frankl on Love, Suffering and the Meaning of Life.
Thank you, Roanak, for the lessons you continue to impart.
Photo of Viktor Frankl courtesy of Wikimedia.