If feedback isn't a gift, what is it? It's data. About our impact on a particular individual at a particular point in time. And while it may be "true" in the sense that the feedback-giver is accurately representing their perspective, that doesn't make it The Truth. Because feedback always says as much about the giver as the recipient. It's filtered through their reality-distortion fields, reflecting their personal values and priorities. [1]
It's important to be open to feedback, even--and especially--when you disagree with it or find that it disconfirms prior assumptions. But being open to feedback doesn't necessarily mean that you should simply accept it. So when you receive feedback, whether it's in a formal performance review or an informal chat, here are four potential responses:
1. Express appreciation for the positive. We almost always overlook positive feedback and focus immediately on the negative. This is an understandable response--negative feedback has the potential to pose a threat, which makes it likely to generate a strong emotional response and capture our attention. [2] But this is a missed opportunity to acknowledge the full range of feedback you've received and make the conversation more productive for all parties. So be sure to pause, acknowledge any positive feedback, and articulate what you'll continue to do (or do even more of) as a result.
It's harder to determine how to respond to negative feedback, but you don't need to agree with it all or treat it like a set of obligatory duties. That's a sure path to overwhelm and resentment. But it's essential to avoid responding defensively or to reject it out of hand. [3] Instead, recognize that every piece of negative feedback contains a request for change and that all change carries a cost. With that as a guideline, you can distinguish among the following:
2. Easy changes you're happy to make. At least some of the negative feedback likely involves certain behaviors or aspects of your working style that you're not attached to and can modify without undue effort. Remind the feedback giver that we all have blind spots, and they don't need to wait for a formal process to give you similar feedback in the future.
3. Hard changes you're willing to attempt. There's probably also some negative feedback on behaviors or aspects of your style that feel more deeply rooted or will be more difficult to change. Invite the feedback giver to partner with you in this process, by offering help, support and understanding, and possibly by taking some responsibility for their contributions to the issue.
4. Changes that will be too difficult or costly to undertake. By no means should you feel compelled to accede to all of the negative feedback you receive. Some of the changes your feedback giver is asking for will either impose an intolerable burden on you or will prevent you from accomplishing your goals. But bear in mind that they're requesting these changes because these behaviors or aspects of your style are imposing a cost on them. You need not grant their request or agree with their point of view, but you can empathize with it.
In addition, note that it may be useful to respond to feedback not only one-on-one, but also in larger groups, particularly if you're a leader and the feedback is derived from multiple employees and other stakeholders:
- One-on-one: If possible, meet individually with each of your feedback providers. This may require a significant investment of time, but it will be the best way to separate the signal from the noise, because it will be easier for both parties to speak candidly. These conversations may feel risky, but that's actually a reason to have them. [4]
- In a small group: Also consider meeting jointly with a subset of your feedback providers, typically your direct reports. This may also feel risky, even daunting, but it will be a unique opportunity to model how to respond to feedback, which will make it easier when you have critical feedback for them. [5]
- In larger settings: Finally, it may be advisable to share some remarks with a larger group that includes people who didn't provide feedback but still have a stake in your performance in some way. If you're a CEO or a functional leader this could be at an all-hands or an offsite, which is one of the most effective ways to build a feedback-rich culture. [6]
This is a companion piece to the following:
Adapted from Your 360 Report Is Ready.
Footnotes
[2] Why You Can't Stop Thinking About Something
[3] Defensiveness Is in the Eye of the Beholder
[4] Risk Management (The Importance of Speaking Up)
[5] How to Deliver Critical Feedback
[6] Building a Feedback-Rich Culture
Photo by Nicolas Vigier.
