How do we invest in our own growth and development? What do we do to renew and revitalize ourselves?
These questions have been on my mind today. Last April Eric Lapp sent me the photo on the left of a tree in his neighborhood that refused to die, an image that struck both of us as a powerful symbol of growth and renewal. Eric just sent me the updated photo at right, and I'm thrilled to see it thriving--it obviously had a good growth spurt this Summer. So what have I done over the past few months to support my own growth and renewal?
Being A Better Coach Means Getting Better Coaching
In a sense, coaches are always being coached. Coaching is an approach to interacting with others--at its simplest it's merely an awareness that I don't have "The Answer" coupled with an ability to ask thought-provoking questions--that we bring to relationships with colleagues as well as to engagements with clients. So my discussions with the other coaches here at Stanford and with my colleagues in the larger executive coaching community often have a certain "coaching feel" to them that can be helpful. But despite this dynamic there's something uniquely powerful about being in a formal relationship with a coach--which is why my colleagues and I exist in the first place.
So this Summer I began working again with Mary Ann Huckabay, a coach and therapist who recently retired from the Stanford faculty. Mary Ann was not only my professor in Interpersonal Dynamics (aka Touchy Feely) 10 years ago, but she also served as my coach in my first leadership role after my graduation from business school. (September 2019: I later went on to teach that class myself.) I initially approached Mary Ann because I wanted to be better prepared to support students coping with mental illness, particularly depression, but our conversations have extended into a range of other topics related to my effectiveness as a coach, not only with students but also with my private clients. It's been incredibly stimulating and challenging and a lot of fun, and it's certainly the best investment I've made in my own development this year.
Reading, Writing, Reflecting...and Unplugging
I spent a good amount of time in the first half of the Summer reviewing the work I've done here over the past 5 years and reflecting on the themes that emerged. This process resulted in the creation of six "Self-Coaching Guides," edited compilations of posts on the topics of Change, Communication, Happiness, Leadership, Learning and Motivation. I didn't select these topics in advance--they seemed to grow naturally out of my writing--and further reflection led me to see them as elements in a larger framework that I'm calling an "Operator's Manual" for understanding and addressing our professional challenges. (September 2019: All of this work is now organized--and vastly expanded--under my Art of Self-Coaching framework.)
It felt great to have gained this perspective on my work. I understood myself and my approach to coaching more deeply, I felt better prepared to assist my clients and next year's students, and I had a conceptual framework to support continued thinking along these lines. And then I really needed to take a break, which at first was easier said than done. I worried about whether I should be more "productive" over the Summer, and I wondered whether I'd be able to get my momentum back in the Fall. But eventually I realized that I needed to listen to the deeper voice advising me to slow down for a bit, and to let go of the anxieties that were keeping me from doing it.
So in the second half of the Summer, I did a little professional reading--but I read a lot more John O'Hara (my current fave.) Aside from my work with my coach, I had some very rewarding conversations with colleagues--but I spent a lot more time just hanging out with Amy, enjoying her company. I'm looking forward to reading more deeply and writing more frequently again, but simply unplugging for a while has been very invigorating and a great investment in my long-term growth.
The Continued Pursuit of Happiness
Although I dialed back my work here a bit, I've stayed very active in a number of ways, in keeping with the happiness strategies I adopted last Winter: "Taking Care of Your Body," "Increasing Flow Experiences," "Practicing Acts of Kindness" and "Expressing Gratitude." (September 2019: I have a better-informed perspective on the research that initially led me to pursue these activities.) I've certainly been physically active, exercising 70 days in June, July and August. And I've maintained a keen sense of gratitude over the past few months--grateful for the most important people in my life, grateful for the wisdom of David Foster Wallace, grateful even for just a little perspective on a bad day.
I haven't been as successful at cultivating (non-athletic) flow experiences, or at performing (non-trivial) acts of kindness, so I have plenty of room for improvement. But given that I was somewhat down and frustrated a few weeks ago, I feel that my commitment to these practices has helped me develop a more resilient, deeper happiness that allows me to bounce back more readily--and that feels like an important area of growth.
None of this is to say that I feel a sense of complacency about myself or my development--I'm acutely aware of my shortcomings as a person, a husband, a coach, a friend. But that awareness of my shortcomings is, in part, what's inspired my focus on growth and renewal. And it's because I know that I can do better, in so many ways, that it's so gratifying to look back over the past few months and think, "Hey, not bad!"
Which brings me back to the questions I asked above, and I pose them to you:
How are you investing in your own growth and development? What are you doing to renew and revitalize yourself?
