I'm profoundly grateful that we're living through an era when misdeeds by leaders are being exposed and their victims are being met with support and solidarity. I've known far too many people who have suffered at the hands of someone more powerful and who felt compelled to remain silent for fear that they would not be believed or that their suffering would only be compounded if they went public.
At the same time, I've worked with enough leaders to know that beyond a certain level of prominence they will inevitably have to face baseless or inaccurate accusations. This can result from an honest misunderstanding--leaders are often blind to how easily their comments or behavior can be misinterpreted, and a common theme in my practice is helping leaders be more attuned to this gap and to communicate with greater clarity and precision for this very reason. [1] But on occasion such accusations are the result of outright dishonesty--at times leaders are confronted with falsehoods manufactured by an enemy with a hidden agenda.
So if you're a leader facing these circumstances, what can you do? First, here are some ideas to guide your initial interactions following the accusations:
1. Slow down.
The experience of being falsely accused will almost certainly result in a sense of unfairness or injustice, which can trigger a strong threat response. [2] As I've noted before, "When we’re in the grip of a threat response we experience a host of physiological and psychological reactions: our heart rate and blood pressure escalate, we’re more likely to feel fear and anger, and we process information more quickly, all of which prime us to make decisions quickly and take immediate, decisive action. But speed has a cost, and in these situations we also process information less accurately, and we’re less effective at creative problem-solving and collaboration." [3] In these situations, speed is not your friend, because you're not facing a literal threat to your physical safety--it just feels that way. You'll be a more effective communicator and you'll pick up meaningful interpersonal signals more clearly if you slow down: Take deeper breaths, regulate the pace and tone of your voice, don't rush.
2. Name the elephant.
There will be a moment--and possibly many such moments--where awareness of these accusations will feel like an elephant in the room that no one is acknowledging. This reticence is a predictable "defense routine," which the late Harvard Business School professor Chris Argyris defined as "actions or policies that prevent individuals or segments of the organization from experiencing embarrassment or threat." [4] The problem is that not talking about the situation will actually make it harder for you to manage the difficult feelings arising in response. So name the elephant, and acknowledge what everyone is thinking. A key advantage here is that by talking about the issue--and the difficult emotions it's undoubtedly generating--you'll be better able to manage those emotions in the moment. [5]
3. Have a plan.
Your initial comments on the issue will be important. Have in mind a clear and straightforward set of points that you want to make, but don't write out a lengthy, detailed script. Worrying about the precise language will distract you at a moment that will already be stressful. The key is to make your initial points...and then stop. You're not delivering a monologue--you're initiating a dialogue. You'll learn a lot by how others respond at that moment. They may view your comments as an invitation to talk further--and you should prepare for that possibility by considering the hardest and most uncomfortable questions they might ask. You should also have some clarity on what information you can share in response--and what information you can't. [6]
4. Take responsibility.
If you do engage in a fuller discussion about the situation, it will be essential to explore how you contributed to it, even inadvertently, and to take responsibility for those actions. If the accusations are the result of a misunderstanding, how did you miscommunicate? If the accusations are coming from an untrustworthy enemy, how did you develop an adversarial relationship with them? Your ability to acknowledge these mistakes and to demonstrate what you've learned as a result will help build trust. In this context it can be useful to adopt what the Trium Group calls a "responsibility mindset":
I view myself as an integral factor in all situations. Every situation occurs and unfolds as it does in some measure as a direct outcome of my actions, non-actions and interpretations. I believe there is always something I can do to affect the situation. [7]
Some false accusations can be readily dispelled by having a several of these discussions with key stakeholders, while others will persist for a period of time, looming over your head like a dark cloud. In the latter case it's important to commit to some longer-term strategies:
5. Invest in self-care.
As I've written before, "Taking care of ourselves when we’re in the midst of a crisis is easily overlooked because there are so many more urgent tasks to address—and yet it’s at these moments that a modicum of self-care becomes even more important. I’m not suggesting that we can maintain our personal routines as if everything’s normal—we will have to adapt to get through the crisis. But we also shouldn’t overreact and abandon our routines entirely. The important-but-not-urgent activities such as sleep and exercise that serve us well during normal times will continue to support during a crisis, and they may even be more critical to our effectiveness." [8] Insure that you're making time for the daily and weekly practices that sustain you--sufficient sleep and regular physical activity should certainly be on that list, as should meditation or some other activity that promotes mindfulness. Note that the latter will not be a source of stress relief, but, rather, a workout in attention management. [9]
6. Avoid ruminating.
A theme in my work is that "emotions are attention magnets." [10] This is a vital function served by our feelings that enable them to interrupt conscious thought and rapidly alert us to opportunities and threats. But this can also leave us prone to counter-productive rumination when a distressing experience can't be resolved--and efforts to suppress undesired thoughts can actually make the situation worse. As the late Harvard psychologist Daniel Wegner wrote:
When we want to stop thinking of something because it is frightening, disgusting, odd, inconvenient, or just annoying...the snowballing begins. We try and fail, and try again, and find that the thought is ever more insistent for all our trying. [11]
If you find yourself obsessing over the situation, the solution is to redirect your attention toward a healthy, absorbing distractor. As UC Riverside psychologist Sonja Lyubomirsky has written:
The distracting activity you select must be engrossing enough so that you don't have the opportunity to lapse back into ruminations. Good bets are activities that make you feel happy, curious, peaceful, amused, or proud... It's worth noting that although distraction seems like an almost too simple short-term solution or quick fix, the positive emotions that it begets can "debias" your thinking (opening up a new, more objective, more positive perspective on your troubles) and hone resources and skills (like creativity, sociability, and problem-solving skills) that will be useful in the future. [12]
7. Reach out to people who care.
Even though you know you're being falsely accused, you may well be experiencing feelings of embarrassment or shame. One of the pernicious aspects of these emotions is that they compound themselves--we're embarrassed by our embarrassment, and we're ashamed of our shame. In this state you may tend to turn inward, away from others, cutting yourself off from potential sources of support. It's essential to overcome any resistance you might feel, reach out to trusted allies, and spend time with people who care about you. This will almost certainly evoke a sense of vulnerability--and yet that's what will unlock the empathy that will enable you to let go of the embarrassment and shame. [13]
Footnotes
[1] The Blue Problem (Communication and Power)
[2] David Rock on Neuroscience, Leadership and the SCARF Model
[3] The Importance of Slowing Down
[4] Overcoming Organizational Defenses, page 25 (Chris Argyris, 1990)
[6] Three Buckets (On Transparency and Trust)
[7] The Trium Group on Responsibility
[8] How to Fight a Fire (Self-Coaching in a Crisis)
[9] Don't Just Do Something, Sit There! (Mindfulness for Busy People)
[10] Attention Surplus Disorder
[11] Thought Suppression (Daniel Wegner, a summary of White Bears and Other Unwanted Thoughts: Suppression, Obsession, and the Psychology of Mental Control, 2nd edition, 1994)
[12] The How of Happiness: A New Approach to Getting the Life You Want, pages 119-120 (Sonja Lyubomirsky, 2008)
[13] Brené Brown, Vulnerability, Empathy and Leadership
Photo by Harold R Cologne.
