Jennifer Ouyang Altman on "Empty Questions" (Ed Batista)

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All too often our questions aren't truly open and honest inquiries. They may be loaded questions, freighted with biased assumptions. They may be leading questions, guiding the respondent to our preferred answer. Or they may simply be statements in disguise, efforts to appear open and honest that are anything but. The problem with these pseudo-questions is that they're never as clever or well-hidden as we think they are. To a respondent they feel hokey and theatrical, like an unwelcome pop quiz with all-too-obvious answers.

My colleague Jennifer Ouyang Altman has some outstanding guidance on how to avoid this and actually convey curiosity: Ask "empty" questions:

Every interaction is an opportunity to become more--or less--connected. You know what people find disconnecting? Perceived manipulation, which is especially offensive in the form of questioning, as if people can't see right through it. Shields go up.

How do we ask better questions? The goal is to be empty. What does that mean? It means releasing preconceived notions of what the answer is, having a relaxed curiosity, swinging freely. It means not forcing an agenda, not trying too hard, not fixing, saving, or correcting.

What kinds of questions stem from being empty?

Empowering questions that don't have a solution stuffed in them.

Stuffed: Should we send an email out?
Empowering: How do we get everyone up to speed?

Expanding questions that develop someone's thinking rather than constricting it.

Constricting: Can you do that?
Expanding: What would it take to do that?

Elevating questions that rise up above the trees to see the forest rather than staying in the weeds.

Weeds: How do we backfill this role as quickly as possible?
Elevating: Is this still the role we need?

Our questions can have the same intention, yet the impact of an empty question is radically different. Rather than ask, Why would we do that?, we can ask: What options have you explored? How did you choose this path? What issues do you see here?

By asking better questions--and truly listening to the response--we learn far more about other people's attitudes, motives, worldviews, values, and emotions, all of which enables us to forge stronger relationships. When I was sick earlier this year, the question that made me feel most heard, valued, and invited was the emptiest: What has it been like for you?