An occasional theme in my work with leaders on communication is the verbal or written comment that was intended by the leader to be witty but instead falls flat, creates distance, or even leaves people feeling offended or hurt. One reason for this gap between intent and impact [1] is that the leader was perceived as going beyond what we might call snark and crossing a line into sarcasm.
Many definitions use these terms almost interchangeably, but we can distinguish between them to illustrate a subtle yet important point when you're communicating as a leader. Both snark and sarcasm are forms of irony that involve delivering a message employing language that usually means the opposite. This creates a moment of dissonance as people figure out what you really mean.
With snark that dissonance resolves in a moment of shared humor. The seeming incongruity of your message poses a riddle, and you're inviting others to join you and get in on the joke by solving it. But sarcasm is sharper, and it cuts deeper. There is no shared resolution, or if there is it comes at someone else's expense. The incongruity of the message is evident, and others are not invited to get in on the joke--they are the joke.
This is a subjective distinction that's contingent on the context, among other factors. A comment that evokes knowing laughter in one setting will yield stony silence in another. This is a function of the culture and its norms, a topic I've addressed before by comparing organizational life to three common settings:
Many of the situations we encounter in contemporary professional life take one of three cultural forms: A classroom, a church, or a cocktail party... So some meetings are like a classroom, others are like church, and still others are like a cocktail party. And some companies are like a classroom, others are like church, and still others are like a cocktail party... The problem, however, is that schools, places of worship, and celebratory gatherings identify themselves very clearly through obvious signifiers. We know where we are, we readily grasp the norms, and we act accordingly. But meetings and companies are much harder to interpret... So the signs and signals are opaque and confusing, and it's easy to misread them. [2]
Many cocktail parties run on snark, and it's welcome in some classrooms, but it's rarely tolerated in church. So a first step is to assess the setting, although our ability to "read the room" can vary widely. Neuroscientist Richard Davidson calls this "context-sensitivity," and people who score low on this dimension "are oblivious to the implicit rules that govern social interactions" and fail to appreciate that "a behavior that would be perfectly acceptable in one context [is] offensive in another." [3] But this capability is by no means fixed, and if you find yourself repeatedly misjudging the setting, Davidson recommends meditation and other approaches to mindfulness to heighten context-sensitivity. [4]
Another key factor is your relationship with the other parties, which is particularly salient for leaders, given what social psychologist Adam Galinsky calls the "power amplification effect." A leader's comments often have a greater impact than the leader intended, and ambiguous comments by a leader--such as ironic humor--tend to be interpreted negatively by others. [5] Here it's important to assess the extent to which others perceive you as a distant or intimidating authority figure. Note that you may not be the best judge of that perception, so it can be useful to solicit feedback, even--and especially--if you have any concerns about what you might hear. [6]
Also, note that while sarcasm tends to be cutting and cold, snark can be warm, even inviting. It's still ironic, but it can be delivered with a knowing twinkle in the eye that encourages others to join you in the fun, a point made (in a snarky way) by author Robert Dimmick: "If sarcasm is the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it, snark is the ability to insult others who will realize it and will A) appreciate the effort made and/or B) respond in kind." [7]
The timely use of humor is an essential leadership tool, particularly in helping people maintain hope and optimism in the face of adversity. In such circumstances ironic humor can be risky, as people under stress are less effective at processing nuanced information, and alternatives may be safer. [8] But rather than banishing irony from your repertoire, I think it's far preferable to learn to use it skillfully, as you would any sharp implement.
Footnotes
[1] Intent vs. Impact (When Communication Goes Awry)
[2] Classrooms, Churches, Cocktail Parties (On Norms)
[3] The Emotional Life of Your Brain: How Its Unique Patterns Affect the Way You Think, Feel and Live--and How You Can Change Them (Richard Davidson and Sharon Begley). Davidson's "Dimensions of Emotional Style" model includes an assessment that can be completed to approximate the results he sees in the lab.
[4] Ibid, Chapter 11, which includes a number of tips for adjusting your "emotional style" to enable you to better achieve your goals, largely focused on meditation. Also see Don't Just Do Something, Sit There! (Mindfulness for Busy People).
[5] When You're in Charge, Your Whisper May Feel Like a Shout (Adam Galinsky, The New York Times, 2015). Discussed further in The Blue Problem (Power and Communication).
[6] For more on soliciting feedback, see the following:
- Make Getting Feedback Less Stressful
- Why Some Feedback Hurts (and What To Do About It)
- The Problem with Anonymous Feedback
[7] Snark vs. Sarcasm (Robert Dimmick, The Etiquetteer, 2018)
[8] Joe Montana & John Candy (Leadership & Group Mood)
Photo by Rich Bowen.